I'm tired...physically and emotionally drained, plus a little high from magic marker fumes I think. I lost count of the boxes of books after 14, it's probably closer to 20 now, plus a few in the basement that we didn't have room on the bookshelves for. Can you believe that I took 3 big bag fulls to the Library for their sale? All this stuff just makes me want to start handing things out on the street corners to people. I've found Freecycle quite liberating lately.
Ah, but life goes on despite my mental state. We should know this weekend if we get to winter on Porter Street or in an apartment. Just knowing where we are heading in a few weeks would ease some of the anxiety. I always tend to make mountains out of mole hills, but I've built this one up to rival Mt. Everest. I have peaked in my stressed-out abilities.
I was contemplating tonight about leaving this house, and honestly, I feel nothing. I'm not sure if I am numb because of stress or I have really matured to the level of not having an overwhelming attachment to another thing. I brought both of my babies to this house, watched them crawl, then run and climb. I have gardened more than I have since I was a child, growing up in Idaho. I have painted nearly every square inch of these walls, and cleaned it all over and over (and over) again. There were a lot of memories made inside these walls, and out in the fresh country air too. But the really important things are those 2 beautiful little girls snuggled up in their beds, and my big teddy bear of a husband...those are the things I need to feel content and at home.
Even if we have to end up living in a van...down by the river.
T
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Out of the mouth of babes...
At the dinner table last night, J asked if we could plant trees all around our new house. I explained that our house will be in the woods, so it really already has trees around it.
"No," she said, "I mean trees right up next to the house!"
I explained that having trees too close to the house could cause problems, and suddenly she became wistful. "I like the trees!" she announced, then excused herself from the table. "I need to go draw some pictures of the trees!" She gathered together her small pad of paper and big box of crayons, and went outside.
When I returned home from the homeschooling meeting, she had her finished products on the table. One picture was very obviously the row of pine trees that line our driveway. One I think was meant to be our small maple tree, complete with a few red leaves. The last seems to be an unfinished likeness of the pumpkins on the porch railing.
Just seeing those small drawings lined up on the table brought tears to my eyes. The sentiment, the 5 year old significance behind them was enormous and felt so poignant at that moment. This is the home, the trees, the nature that J has known for her entire lifetime. I am able to see the big picture and look ahead to a new home in a beautiful location, but she is merely seeing change and uncertainty.
This moment served to reinforce to me the most obvious of observations: she is just a child! I realized today that we have already completed one semester of work in Phonics and Math after 37 days of classes. I have been pushing 2 lessons a day once we took a bazillion assessments to find an area that wasn't only review. J is doing wonderfully, and it takes her about 30 minutes to do the work. It flashed through my mind again: she is just a child! Why push her?
So, I continue to learn, and thankfully, I have this sweet, innocent child to guide me.
T
"No," she said, "I mean trees right up next to the house!"
I explained that having trees too close to the house could cause problems, and suddenly she became wistful. "I like the trees!" she announced, then excused herself from the table. "I need to go draw some pictures of the trees!" She gathered together her small pad of paper and big box of crayons, and went outside.
When I returned home from the homeschooling meeting, she had her finished products on the table. One picture was very obviously the row of pine trees that line our driveway. One I think was meant to be our small maple tree, complete with a few red leaves. The last seems to be an unfinished likeness of the pumpkins on the porch railing.
Just seeing those small drawings lined up on the table brought tears to my eyes. The sentiment, the 5 year old significance behind them was enormous and felt so poignant at that moment. This is the home, the trees, the nature that J has known for her entire lifetime. I am able to see the big picture and look ahead to a new home in a beautiful location, but she is merely seeing change and uncertainty.
This moment served to reinforce to me the most obvious of observations: she is just a child! I realized today that we have already completed one semester of work in Phonics and Math after 37 days of classes. I have been pushing 2 lessons a day once we took a bazillion assessments to find an area that wasn't only review. J is doing wonderfully, and it takes her about 30 minutes to do the work. It flashed through my mind again: she is just a child! Why push her?
So, I continue to learn, and thankfully, I have this sweet, innocent child to guide me.
T
Friday, October 17, 2008
To Every Thing (turn, turn, turn)...
There is a season...
I went out to the garden yesterday morning after ignoring it completely for almost a week. It appears that we've reached that dismal time of year when the garden stops producing. The dreary weather did much to reinforce how sad the whole thing looked. The Tomato Hornworms have wreaked havoc on my remaining tomato plants, although I was able to bring in a basket full of lovely red ones. I pulled out the fluffy purple flowers before they could seed the whole garden in. The girls' magic beans are still going strong. All my neglected basil is woody and bitter, but there are some lacy green shoots of dill coming up where the dill went to seed.
I found two mice in two days in the mouse trap.
My Bodum french press carafe broke last night.
I packed one bookshelf of books and already have 4 boxes full.
There is a time for planting, a time for harvesting, and a time to rest. There is a time for good coffee, and a time to drink tea. There is a time that the mice like to visit, and a time they leave us well enough alone. There is a time to pack, and a time to unpack (and then a time to pack and unpack again). I just need to remember that although one thing may end, something bigger and better may be just around the corner.
And now, it's time for a weekend. Have a lovely one!
T
I went out to the garden yesterday morning after ignoring it completely for almost a week. It appears that we've reached that dismal time of year when the garden stops producing. The dreary weather did much to reinforce how sad the whole thing looked. The Tomato Hornworms have wreaked havoc on my remaining tomato plants, although I was able to bring in a basket full of lovely red ones. I pulled out the fluffy purple flowers before they could seed the whole garden in. The girls' magic beans are still going strong. All my neglected basil is woody and bitter, but there are some lacy green shoots of dill coming up where the dill went to seed.
I found two mice in two days in the mouse trap.
My Bodum french press carafe broke last night.
I packed one bookshelf of books and already have 4 boxes full.
There is a time for planting, a time for harvesting, and a time to rest. There is a time for good coffee, and a time to drink tea. There is a time that the mice like to visit, and a time they leave us well enough alone. There is a time to pack, and a time to unpack (and then a time to pack and unpack again). I just need to remember that although one thing may end, something bigger and better may be just around the corner.
And now, it's time for a weekend. Have a lovely one!
T
Thursday, October 9, 2008
There's a Hole on My Hill!
The girls and I went to see the "diggers" working out at our property today! Whoopie! They are finally starting our house! I am doing a blog about it so folks can watch progress along with us. If you are interested, click here for a link.
T
T
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Remembering Zaccheus
Zach Martin
August 1994 - October 2008
We are sorely missing our little dog who passed away this morning.
T
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Calming Presence
We broke out the flannel sheets this week...ah...the comfort of snuggling into bed where the sheets are soft and warm. It softens the blow of the coming winter cold somewhat. The soft flannel sheets, comfy bed: relax and hibernate for the winter.
If only we could apply the flannel sheets principle to life. I know I could use a buffer against some of the stuff life throws at me. Just this week, my husband and I were discussing my near melt-down with the girls, and how I could possibly have handled the situation better. "They just need a calming presence." he said.
I've been thinking about that for the last few days: a calming presence. I think most of the craziness that goes on in our house is really coming from ME! If I could wrap us all up in a flannel sheet of comfort when things are not going the way I would like, instead of going off the deep end, we would all be happier. My husband is definitely the calming presence in our home, and now, I am trying to follow his example for a more relaxed home.
T
If only we could apply the flannel sheets principle to life. I know I could use a buffer against some of the stuff life throws at me. Just this week, my husband and I were discussing my near melt-down with the girls, and how I could possibly have handled the situation better. "They just need a calming presence." he said.
I've been thinking about that for the last few days: a calming presence. I think most of the craziness that goes on in our house is really coming from ME! If I could wrap us all up in a flannel sheet of comfort when things are not going the way I would like, instead of going off the deep end, we would all be happier. My husband is definitely the calming presence in our home, and now, I am trying to follow his example for a more relaxed home.
T
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