Do I need to be medicated?

Last week I had a really bad day. The kind where one unpleasant thing after another transpires and is enough to drive any semi-sane person off the deep end. My husband happened to call while I was in the midst of a childish tirade, and during all of my tears, he asked "Do you need to be medicated again?"

Let me back up. I have a history of depression, in fact the mental illness gene seems to be pervasive in my family. I have been on several different anti-depressants in the past, with varying levels of success and side effects. The last time I was taking something was before my 5 year old daughter was born. Yes, it is true. Lately I have been feeling lonely and worth the most as the caretaker of my family, not as an individual.

So, after vehemently denying the need for medication to my husband, I thought long and hard about that possibility for the rest of the day. I have always had a very short temper, and to my dismay, I yell at my children more than I should. Recently this seems to be a trait that I can not control...it just happens. For this reason, the children's book by Mem Fox, called Harriet, You'll Drive me Wild! has been a special favorite of mine. (Read it...it is both convicting and forgiving!) Does this mean that medication may help me?

I still, after several days of pondering, haven't decided one way or another. I also haven't made an appointment with my Doctor to discuss it with her. I have, however, spent time with some of my friends. It seems to be amazingly therapeutic! Of course, with friends that will write such wonderful things about a person (see previous post), how could friendship fail to be helpful in such situations? In addition, my parents came to visit, and my mother baked me the most delicious ooey, gooey chocolate desert in lieu of birthday cake. We all know that chocolate cures any number of conditions!

Do I need to be medicated? Well, I've filed the possibility a little closer to the front of my motherhood-addled brain, but for now I plan to take the dark, cold winter one day at a time and remember that such impossible days will teach me something about myself.

Happy Birthday to Tonya

For this first post, I'd like to congratulate Tonya on the occasion of her birthday. No, a birthday is indeed not just another day. I know this because I have birthed two children. Your mama had to earn your birthday, girl, and now we get to celebrate it.

Of course, in the manner of all things that should be celebrated on that day, we'll have to postpone the actual party, but here's a promisary note from the Waynesburg chapter of the Elaine Society, 2008:

Tonya's Birthday will be Celebrated

With: Pomp and Splendor

Without: Children
With: Fellow Energetic Members
Possibility: Amazing Food/Incredible Conversation/Entertainment (perhaps Sally will tapdance? Nancy will sing opera? I, Kim, will juggle?)

Here are just a few things I appreciate about Tonya:

I am amazed at her resourcefulness: if I ever have a question (how to can artichokes; how to glean seeds from pumpkins? how to peel four bushels of apples?) I would e-mail Tonya.

Tonya is kind and generous; she is open with her life and home and full of good ideas and hidden talents (i.e., sews up special purses for her daughters, builds scarecrow and names her, constructs a 'kid wash').

Tonya is a good cook and a good mother and a good cleaner and a good organizer and a good seamstress and a good gardener and a good canner and a good professional. . .hmm. . .and manages to keep her daughters' hair brushed and done up. These are things most of us only hope to touch the outside seam of.

So congratulations, Tonya, on the occasion of your birthday, from all the Elaines. May your day proceed with alacrity, your children be kind, your husband be dashing, and may all the cold winter sky smile warmly upon you tomorrow!