Best for Kids or Best for Mom?

At violin lessons yesterday, the instructor casually announced that she was leaving and offering no more instructions after the recital on May 4th. I immediately felt my stomach lurch, and then plummet down to the region around my socks. For the past six months, I have watched my daughter feel pride in herself as she was able to master one song and technique after another on this difficult instrument. I felt pride myself, as I noticed her become more and more willing to try. So now what? The instructor recommended a program at Duquesne University, which meets nearly every Saturday during the school year. Now my stomach was tying itself in knots. I get very anxious even THINKING about driving in Pittsburgh, but to do it on a WEEKLY basis??? What about our very sacred weekends? No more weekend trips or sleeping in. Less time to spend with Daddy, who this week made it home for dinner once, and home for bedtime twice. But...do we just throw away all the time, effort, travelling, tears and money that we spent on the past six months of instruction?

I feel incredibly guilty at the thought of not wanting to continue because of the inconvenience of city driving and weekends lost. J, I think, feels a little bit relieved to think about not doing it anymore. The practicing, you see, was interrupting her play time. Where do you draw the line between what is best for your child, and what is best for you? What is really best for my child?

I face a similar quandary when trying to decide about Home Schooling J next year for Kindergarten. As far as our family schedule goes, doing schooling at home would be infinitely more convenient than sending her to the public school. I was also under-whelmed by the curriculum at the public school after meeting with 2 of the Kindergarten teachers this week. Some of the curriculum I've looked at with the cyber charter schools looks really amazing! I have very little patience, which is a problem when adding children to the mix anyway, but even more worrisome when anticipating being the sole instructor for my child. Is is worth the convenience to my family to perhaps have J's schooling tainted by my faults? Is it worth jeopardizing our relationship?

Is there a special trick to making those kinds of decisions?

I should think positively. Maybe this experience could be the greatest thing for J and I that we could ever imagine. Perhaps Duquesne would know of someone else who does private lessons in the area. After a week of many ups and downs, I'm feeling pretty down today.